Racing Angel
by MCG
Summary: Buffy and Xander are held hostage by a very stupid demon... stupid conversations a plenty.


Title: Racing Angel. (1/1)

Author: MCG, i.e., he who doesn't have a good grip on sarcasm.

Disclaimer: Yes, yes. I do not own the world. Buffy the vampire slayer is in the world, therefore I don not own it either. So fu*k off lawyers or I'll poke you with my sharp pointy pencil.

Feedback: Send it right on down to "mailto:meangrumpy@hotmail.com"

Dedication: The list genius; C-man for the great advice he gave me on sarcasm... I was being sarcastic (I think) unless C-man was being sarcastic... Ah fu*k, not again. Okay, let's start again. Dedicated to C-man... cause he asked me to continue with 'TUQ', it kinda brought a tear to my eye that anyone remembered it. Sniff.

Warning: I got bored of writing this so it's not that good, and also... bad, bad grammar, spelling, plotlines, storylines and so on.

This is gonna make less then no sense. Who cares though huh?

Buffy's eyes searched the room next to theirs for anything. Anything that might help them escape this situation they had gotten themselves into. The two rooms were connected by just a window. The room they were in was on the fourth floor, with no furniture or seats what so ever. It was just empty. The door was made of thick steel which meant slayer strength had no effect on it. And Xanders plan... well, Xander running at it head first done nothing but gave him a head ace.

The room that could be seen through the Window was huge. Spanning many floors it was like the typical warehouse of Sunnydale. Decrepit and abandoned.

Far below them in the warehouse like room, the solid concrete floor seemed almost sterile, and unbecoming. They would never survive that fall if they had nothing to break the drop.

Luckily, a large circular wooden platform stood positioned directly below them, if they were lucky they would survive the drop with the wood to break their fall.

"You know Angel wouldn't survive that fall." Xander suddenly blurted out loud. "I might." He sounded almost victorious a grin spreading across his face, and a twinkle in his eyes. 

"Go you." Buffy responded sarcastically.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Buff." Xander replied, nothing was about to bring him down from his sudden epiphany that he was better then Angel at surviving a high fall onto a wooden platform below, hopefully.

"That would make you about as witty as my last boyfriend then Xander." Buffy hissed back, in reference to her last boyfriend Riley Finn.

"You know, I actually though Riley was very witty." Xander fired back almost giggling.

"See what I mean?" Buffy had just proved her point, or so she though. She soon encountered a problem MCG had earlier encountered whilst writing an insane feedback for the 'Empress of Cooltown'. "You was being sarcastic, right?"

"Nooo!!!!" Hee, hee, hee Xander giggled inside his head knowing this would confuse her further.

"Oh, okay then.... Hey." Buffy said realising Xander was being sarcastic.

"Hmmm, perhaps I was wrong about sarcasm being the lowest form of wit" Xander pondered out loud. "Some people do seem to find it awfully hard to actually understand when someone's being sarcastic or not." 

"Shut up Xander. I'm not talking to you." Buffy said narrowing her eyes. "You was referring to me wasn't you?"

"No, I was referring to MCG."

"Oh... Well I'm still not talking to you." Buffy continued her 'Not talking to Xander, which for a 'not talking to Xander campaign seemed to consist of a lot of talking' campaign'.

"Your just not talking to me because, I'm better then Angel." He replied.

"Shut up." Was Buffy's response, still in a mood with Xander.

Xander began to wiggle backwards and forwards in an almost celebratory way. "I'm better then Angel, I'm better then Angel, I'm better then Angel..." He continued his confined dance reminding Xander more and more of a small maggot on a string.

Everyone had to have something to keep them going. Xander's just seemed to be beating Angel at something. It had been that competitive edge that had got them in trouble. 

"Xander, if you don't shut up about how your better then Angel, your not gonna live long enough to celebrate when you land."

Xander went to ask her why before realising the meaning of what she just said. "Why's that.... Ohhhhh... Alright then, I'll shut up, but first you have to admit that I'm better the Angel."

Buffy sighed. "Xander, you know that wasn't actually Angel you was racing, it was some man you'd never met before wearing an Angel outfit."

"Buff, that's not the point, it's what the man represented that's the point."

"What did he represent then?" Buffy asked confused at this line of thought. Preparing herself for a stupid answer Buffy waited.

"Angel." Was the simple answer. An answer so simple, and so stupid it almost made Buffy scream with frustration.

"How" Buffy asked exasperated "Other then the fact that Angels name is Angel, and the guy was Wearing an Angel costume, tell me how the man represented Angel in any way."

Xander was prepared. "Well you see, what kinda man would choose a girly name like Angel, and what kinda man would wear and Angel costume. The answer to both is a girly-man. And I couldn't have a girly man beat me. Beating that man in the Angel costume wasn't just about me beating a man in an Angel costume. No, it was about me protecting my manhood."

"God, someone help me." Buffy shouted out loud. "You mean to tell me you ran half way across town, somehow managing to run through a demon syndicate headquarters getting us both caught by the demons there just so you could beat some man you never met before in a race to the kebab shop just to 'save your manhood from taking a beating'. I can't believe you, I would have though you'd be used to it, what with the blow I give your manhood everyday when I..." OH MY GOD, what did I just say. Buffy went a deep shade of red from embarrassment as she realised what she'd just said. Blushing furiously, she began stuttering out what she meant to say in the first place, that Xanders manhood would take a beating each day, what with being surrounded by women who could beat the crap out of him. Of course, Xander wasn't going to let her off the hook that easy.

"Well Buffy" Xander coughed in mock shock "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Shut up, I'm not talking to you."

As Xander went back to trying to figure out how to escape, a horrible though struck him. Turning an almost ghost white he called to Buffy.

"Uh... Buff... You don't think... You don't think that the guy made it to the kebab shop did you." Oh god, please NOOOOOOOOOO

Buffy had him in a place where she could easily extract revenge. Making fun of his manhood was a proven way of getting revenge on a guy. Of course Buffy knew it would be going too far.

Making fun of a guys manhood was the most serious of crimes amongst men. It was considered a more serious crime then trying to sleep with your best friends 16 year old sister.

It was a danger zone.

Besides, Buffy could hear the pleading in his voice.

"Nah Xand, he probably got eaten by a vampire. Your manhood's still intact."

"You really mean it? Your not just saying it?" He pleaded.

"Well if there's a town in the world where you can't walk a block without being attacked by a vamp it's Sunnydale."

Xander could feel his eyes almost watering. "Thank you Buffy. Thank you."

"No prob Xand. Right, I think I have a plan."

"Oh god, it's not still that 'Jump through the window, land on the wooden platform below' plan is it?"

"Yes." Hearing Xander groan she took offence. "Okay then, you think of a plan."

"Fine then, I will. So far I've counted three guards" Xander told her, then getting closer her whispered "Now here's what we do...."

***

***

Hanging upside down from the ceiling, Buffy swung back and forth, almost like a pendulum, every so often colliding with Xander who was tied up next to her by his hands.

"Ooofff" Xander felt the air forced out of his lungs as Buffy one again collided into her.

"Xander" Buffy whined. "Stop doing that. Oh, and great plan Xander. Now instead of us being tied up in an upstairs room where hung up by some rope just above a large tank of water. I should never have listened to you. OWWW" Buffy shouted as they collided again.

"Well how was I supposed to know that they had security cameras?" He tried to reason. "OWWW. And don't blame me, for swinging into you... Ooommmfff... again, how can I help it."

"You can help it by... Um... STOP SWINGING." she shouted. "It's all your fault we were caught in the first place."

Xander looked up, and realised Buffy was right, his holding onto the rope was causing his one to swing back and forth. Letting go, his body hung under it's own weight, the tight not around his arms preventing him from crashing to the ground. "Your just jealous 'cause they tied me up by the hands, whilst you got tied up upside down."

Buffy huffed knowing Xander was right. She was jealous that he got to see what was going on whilst she saw the whole world as if it was Australia. "Yeah, why did they do that, it doesn't make sense." Buffy pondered.

"Yes it does" Xander replied almost outraged. "Your wearing a skirt, of course they're gonna tie you upside down. They're an organisation of male only demons... they're gonna be slightly curious."

Buffy went quite for a while, before speaking. "Xander?"

"Yeah Buff" Xander replied.

"You better not be looking." Was the warning.

"Who... Me... I... I wouldn't... What you trying to say." Xander stuttered out, in an attempt at innocence.

"You better not be looking you pervert." Buffy warned again.

"Okay" Came his weary response.

"Good." Buffy replied.

"Fine then." Xander snapped back.

They once again fell back into silence. The silence of thought, as they each pondered on how to escape the situation Xander had gotten them into. The only sounds in the room were the breathing of the two captured Scooby's, and the sound the rope made as it swung back and forth from it's pivot.

"So, black silk, huh?" Xander asked as the silence got the better of him.

"Xander" Buffy more or less screeched out. "I can't believe you looked."

***

***

The leader laughed manically at the sight before him. His gruesomely overweight body shaking wildly as he did so. With his mouth wide open, green ooze dribbled out of the side of his mouth onto his clammy green skin. 

As his laughter gained momentum, various lackeys in the room began to laugh with him until the room was alive with laughter. The tiny little figures looking more like children's dolls compared to the massive blob that was their master. Green children's dolls with horns, but children's dolls non the less. (This is a very, very weird, very strange child I'm talking about. She has very strange dolls.)

"Quite" The leader ordered, slightly annoyed at everyone interrupting his laughter. "No one told you to laugh. When I want you pitiful imbecile slaves to laugh I'll tell you to." He commanded.

Everyone fell silent, and one of the lackeys coughed uncomfortably. "Uh, boss."

"What?" Came the angry reply, as the leaders, and all others in the room fell upon the one man that had spoken up.

Sweat beads ran down the demons forehead as he felt the penetrating eyes of everyone fall upon him. "What I wanted is... you see... and then... Um... It is the twenty first centaury... the term... pitiful imbecile slaves... it's well, considered to be politically incorrect and demeaning to... the... to the pitiful imbecile slaves... oh magnificent one, sir, boss."

The leader took a moment to think about this, everyone's eyes now falling on him as he pondered on what to do about the decision.

"What do think about the situation number 2?" He asked his loyal friend. His number two in command whispered into his ears. "It is lowering slave morale to keep referring to them as pitiful imbecile slaves sir... it might be a good decision to perhaps sugar coat the term a little?"

"Very well" His voice boomed. "I have heard enough. From now on the term pitiful imbecile slaves is outlawed, to be replaced with the term 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves'. Number two, replace all documents with the said phrase that is outlawed with the new improved phrase 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves'. Any said pitifully-imbecilic slave or otherwise caught saying out loud or writing the words 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves' shall be sentenced to the dungeon. Let this creed be legal binding across the order. "

A chorus of cheers swept through the room, assorted shouts of 'Thank you master' filled the room with selected pitifully-imbecilic slaves shouting praises to the leader. Every now and then someone would shout over the top such comments as 'your too kind'. The pitifully-imbecilic slaves bowed down before their master as they continued their praises as his kindness.

The number two in command rolled his eyes, mumbling to himself a 'to do list'. "feed the frogs... mumble, mumble, mumble, change the hogs for sprogs mumble, mumble, mumble. Replace all documented phrases of 'pitiful imbecile slaves' with the words 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves'."

Shocked gasps filled the room as the number two was heard to mutter pitiful imbecile slaves. The collective mouths of the pitifully-imbecilic slaves fell. After the initial shock of the words being said, a lawyer appeared from nowhere, approaching the number two.

"Are you the number two?"

The number two nodded, not quite sure of what was going on.

"I represent the collective asses of the 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves'. You are being taken to court for the use of the words that have been deemed demoralising and politically to the 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves of this order. In response to this charge, the union of the collective asses of the 'pitifully-imbecilic slaves' have arranged for a two minute strike unless this charge has been dealt with immediately."

The number two rolled his eyes. "Oh boy. This whole place is crazy. The chaos demon warned me about this cult, but did I listen. No, why would I listen to anyone else. Oh well, I'm an idiot."

The leader though, not wanting to have his workers stop their 'sitting on their asses doing nothing' decided that he should pass judgment on his number two. "Guards, escort this man to the dungeon." His voice bellowed.

Number two just rolled his eyes again. "Sir, we don't have guards. Were just a small demonical organisation with a little over eighteen members word wide."

"Very well then number two, escort yourself to the dungeon."

"Sir, we don't have a dungeon either."

The leader thought how to solve this situation, the wheels in his head turning like clockwork. "Then use your initiative number two. You'll never make it up the ladder of success in this organisation if you don't show initiative."

"I'll escort myself to the kitchen then shall I sir?" The number two sighed, muttering to himself how he had already made second highest rank after having only joined earlier that day. Walking across the room he escorted himself to the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

"Very well number two. I like your thinking, with that attitude you'll make it up the ladder in no time." The leader spoke. "But if you try anything stupid make sure to punish yourself suitably.... And don't forget to lock yourself in."

The leader stood almost like a god before the pathetically-imbecilic slaves, waving his hands and receiving their praises. "Now then number two, what was on the agenda after the pathetically-pitiful slave grovelling?" Getting no answer he looked around. "Number two?... Now where did that idiot go..."

"I'm in here sir." Number two shouted.

"Well what are you doing in there number two, your needed in here." The leader shouted.

"But you just..." The second in command just didn't have the energy to argue any more. "I'll be right out."

The demon opened the door, with the notepad in hand. "After the grovelling we have lunch, and then we deal with the slayer."

"The slayer." The master said in excitement. "Can we do that now."

Number two rolled his eyes. "You are the master, sir. You do what you want."

"Okay then, lets deal with our slayer."

Shifting his weight forward, the master demon almost rolled, the ooze his skin secreted allowing him to glide across the floor one he gained momentum. As he glided across the room the crunching of bones could be heard as several of the pathetically-imbecilic slaves were crushed below.

"Sir, you just killed Freddie and Alfred. Now out global numbers are down to just 16" The number two told the leader.

"NOOOOOOOOO Freddie." The master let out a blood curdling scream, scooping the tiny demons broken figure in his eyes. "What have I done to you my loyal subject."

The number two put his glasses on for a better look. "Oh wait, my mistake. It's Frederick."

"NOOOOOOOO Fredrick." The master now screamed.

The number two squinted his eyes a bit more. "At least I think it was Frederick. How the hell are you supposed to know, these guys all look the same."

"All right screw it" The leader said dropping the body to the floor. "Lets roll."

Opening the door, the demons entered the room in which they held the slayer and her friend prisoner.

"Ahh, slayer. Slayers friend." He greeted " I bet your both wondering who I am." The master demon said.

"Not really."

"Well maybe a little."

Came two simultaneous responses.

"Then I shall tell you a story."

The number two demon chocked back tears. "It's not going to be the story of how you shaved your bikini line again, is it?" He asked, paling slightly. He now seemed physical sick. "You know, the story with the visual aids."

"Perhaps afterwards" The master demon said. "But first the story of how I got my name. Are we all comfortable."

"Yes" Was the exited response of the pathetically-imbecilic slaves.

"No" Was the un-exited response of both Buffy and the Number two.

"The views great" Someone shouted out at random.

"My parents named me Sussex." The demon said. 

After a long silence the Number two demon began too twitch. "Thats it." He spoke dangerously quite. "That's it. That's your story. THAT WAS YOUR STORY. YOUR INSANE, YOU'RE ALL INSANE. INSANE I TELL YOU..... INSANE." He began to laugh manically, twitching every now and then.

Buffy watched blankly as one of the demons, the second largest and most human like, started cracking up. Laughing manically before sitting back down, curling into a ball and rocking backwards and forwards.

"Did you say you name was..."

She was cut of by the demon in charge.

"No."

"But you didn't wait for me to..."

"No."

"Yeah but."

"No. My name has never been, is not, nor ever will be Essex. Furthermore I have no association with, nor have ever participated in any Buffy the vampire slayer fic. named 'Into the Night' or 'E.M.'. In addition I have a legal disclaimer to further prove my identity as Sussex." The demon pulled out a wallet. "Here. Here's my drivers licence, passport and birth and death certificate. All proving that Sussex is my name, and that I am an original character, and my name was in no way influenced by any other fics. Nor is my stupid-ness and attempt at a spoof version of any mentioned character."

"Well... okay then." Buffy said. "And Xander, stop looking at me."

Xander just stayed silent enjoying the view.

"Now then slayer. What shall we do to you." Turning to the wreck on the floor he asked "Number two, what was I Planning on doing to the slayer."

"Insane, all mad. Dragging me down. Don't know how to get out. All around. Madness. Here, there. Ooooh look, hee, hee, hee, it's a slayer pendulum. Weeeeeeeeeee. Back and forth you go. Hypnotising me. Oh no you don't. I won't be hypnotised into madness. No matter how many times you swing back and forth. Weeeeeee. There you go. Oh wow, little green men. Like walking boogars. Hello little green me. Are you from another planet"

The master demon began to bitch slap the smaller second in command demon shouting "Snap out of it number two.", who fell back onto one of the even smaller 'pathetically-imbecilic slave' demons thus squashing it.

"Oh god, no. Freddie II. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO."

Buffy and Xander watched completely baffled at the very strange demons below. 

"Buffy I'm scared." Xander said shaking.

"Me to Xand." Buffy replied, equally scared. "Do you ever get the feeling God sometimes drinks?"

"Well the bible does say Jesus' blood was wine, so probably." Xander answered in honesty.

"No, I'm talking about the fanfiction gods."

"The who?" Xander asked, having never heard the term before.

Buffy couldn't believe she'd have to explain. Everyone knew about the fanfiction gods. "Y'know. Shippers of fictional characters that write about their said characters and bitch none stop about the creator of the show they watch cause he/she won't get their fav. characters together. The more they bitch, the higher up in the God scales they get."

"Oh those Gods. Yeah, I have a feeling the current controller is semi drunk as he's writing this."

"Uh huh." Buffy agreed.

"Number two, get yourself together. What was we going to do with the slayer."

The number two demon, finally having enough of being slapped finally answered unenthusiastically "Kill her sir."

"Ah pure genius." The master demon said. 

"Slayer. Below you is a tank full of water." And with that he let out a maniacal laugh.

"Uh sir, aren't you going to tell them about the other stuff." The number two asked.

"What other stuff?" The master asked.

"The P.I.R.A.N.H.A.S. sire." he spelt out.

"The pirates?" The master demon asked. "Why would I explain about pirates?"

"THE PIRANHAS." He shouted out. "PIRANHAS, PIRANHAS, PIRANHAS."

The master demon gasped. "Piranhas. You monster. I wanted to tell them"

Turning to the Buffy-Xander pendulum his evil smiled revealing sharp demonical death. "Slayer, I'd like you to meet my PIRANHAS."

Both Buffy and Xander gasped as if almost on cue the water below began to bubble as tiny fish dived about the surface waiting for food.

Something clicked inside of Xander. "Hmmm, let me guess, there used to be sharks with laser beams in that tank." He asked sarcastically.

"Nope, just piranhas. Although the first batch did have lasers, but the all sank." The master asked.

"Oh great, were being held captive by a Dr. Evil wannabe. Now I know how to escape."

"Yeah, all we need is some dental floss." Xander finished her plan sarcastically.

"Exactly." Buffy said.

The demon master began to laugh again.  
"Fools. All of you. I though of everything. I control the worlds dental floss supply. No dental floss can get to Sunnydale. Why do you think all the inhabitants have bad teeth." His evil cackle began, bellowing through the room.

"All the dental floss." Xander shouted. "You monster."

"Yes, yes. I'm pure evil." The demon relied. "And now, your horrible death. In my hand is the remote controls to a hydraulic arm, to which you ropes are attached. When I pressed this button like so." Demonstrating he pressed the button which began to lower Buffy and Xander to the piranha pool below, he dropped the remote to the floor. "you will be lowered down."

"Let me guess, you plan to lower us into the piranha pool." Buffy asked sarcastically. "How original."

The master demon looked blankly at the piranha pool, then at the plank of wood in his other hand. An idea formed in his head. 

"Well... I... I was just gonna lower you till I could reach you and then beat you to death with this plank of wood. But a good idea is a good idea. Pure genius." Turning to Number two he asked "Number two, why didn't you think of that."

The number two hit his head with his had, and began rubbing his temples due to the head ace he now had. Muttering about stupidity and why did the master think he got the tank shipped in he paced back and forth whispering to himself.

***

***

Xander looked down to the pool of water which was fast approaching. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. "Uh, Buff... Now would be a time to get us out of this." He begged.

"Thank you for you input Xand. Y'know, I might do that now." She snapped.

With death fast approaching both Buffy and Xander began to frantically shake. Wiggling in an attempt to loosen the knot's that held them.

"Buff. Just before I die, I... want tell you something."

Buffy's eyes opened wide in shock. "It was you that stole my underwear." She accused.

"What" He asked in even more shock. "Ewww, no. That was Spike. I just wanted to tell you I love you. I think your amazing. I love everything about you. No one can come close to you in my heart. And if I wasn't so afraid for my life at this minute I'm sure I would be able to express my feelings a lot clearer... I was... I was planning on asking you out again tonight, again. And that's all I wanted to say. That, and it was me that ate the last chocolate bar in your cupboard. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Buffy could feel tears well up in her eyes. "Oh Xander... that was... I don't know what to say."

"Well, once again, the not laughing bit is good. Now the second bit that can be improved from last time is saying yes instead of no... So, Buff, watcha..."

SPLASH

Xander never got to finish his sentence as they both hit the water, both sinking to the bottom as the water seemed to bubble up of it's own accord, a force hitting them from all sides as the shoal of fish swam into them. Hundreds of piranhas bashing the two as they swam in circles. Buffy and Xander tensed, bracing themselves as the front of the shoal hit them.

Expecting pain, both sank to the bottom without so much as a scratch. When the hit the bottom, Buffy began to work on the heavy knots that were binding her. Above her the water went red as one of the little demons poured some blood in. The piranhas didn't seem to respond to the blood. They did however respond to the tiny demon, one fish diving out of the water and pulling the demon into the dangerous water.

A scream soon followed as the tiny demon soon disappeared, becoming nothing but a green fleshy gung which the fish quickly ate. 

Buffy finally loosened the knots, slipping them over her hands she grabbed Xander and swam to the surface holding him close.

***

"What... Why are they not being eaten by the laser-less piranhas" Sussex asked, a confused expression crossing his face. "Number two, I demand an explanation."

"Perhaps if you put some blood in to stimulate them." Number two suggested.

One of the smaller demons quickly obliged the suggestion, pouring a bucket full of water into the tank. Unfortunately, the piranhas seemed to have taken a liking to the demon, pulling it into the water and devouring it.

"ALFY NOOOOOOOOOO."

The second in command noticed that whilst the demon was long gone, neither the slayer nor the slayers friend were being so much as scratched. The smaller demon looked at Sussex, the reason suddenly dawning on him. "Um... Sir, what piranhas did you actually buy?"

Sussex shrugged, "Whatever ones I saw at the pet shop."

The traumatised number two demon turned round, tears now running down his face he began to sob. Hitting his head against the wall he began sobbing. "God, Oh god help me. Why, oh why am I cursed. You ordered a harmless species of piranha. He ordered a harmless species. We had the slayer, and he ordered a harmless species. AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Why didn't I stay with the 'Harmless Demons' cult."

***

Buffy pulled herself from the tank, Xander not far behind, despite being tied up. "Sussex, I'm gonna kick your ass. But first."

Seeing one of the smaller demons run past she brought her foot down hard. "I'm gonna do this."

The demon splattered leaving nothing more then green slime on the floor.

Sussex just shrugged. "Yeah well, Mark was a little bit*h anyway."

Buffy scratched her head in annoyance and confusion.

"Um, Buff. As fun as it is watching you fight lil' tiny demons, and have all the green gunk from inside them splash over my face when you stamp on them. Can you untie me." Xander asked, lying on the floor where Buffy had left him, now a pool of water forming around him as the liquid slowly escaped his soaking clothes, the binding rope still firmly attached round his arms and feet.

"After I Kill, and cause great pain to this slime ball." Buffy said, turning angrily to the demon

"I... Uh... Can we talk about this." Sussex pleaded.

"There's nothing you have that I want." Came Buffy's threatening response.

"Okay what about you?" He asked Xander almost cowering from Buffy.

"Well, you didn't happen to see a man in an Angel costume come through here did you? Only I was racing him to the Kebab shop, and then I got caught... If I don't a man representing Angel to the kebab shop my manliness will be dealt a significant blow."

"Funny you should mention that." The demon said. "Cause Number two here has an Angel costume." Sussex turned to the demon. "Number two, go put you Angel costume on, you have to race this wonderful man here to the kebab shop... With these on." Sussex said, throwing Number 2 some lead leg weights.

"Woooohhhhooooo" Xander shouted. "Buffy, please. We gotta beat him to the kebab shop. Come on. Untie me." 

"Xander. We can't let them go, they're evil, murdering demons. They control the world supply of dental floss, they're evil." Buffy refused Xander's pleas.

"Um... if it helps." Number two began. "We've never actually killed anyone before... You would have been our first."

"What'ya do then?" Buffy asked, a little more interested, and perhaps more likely to give into Xander's pleas now that it was known the demons weren't outright killers.

"Well the pitifully-imbecilic slaves sit on their collective asses all day. Sussex has some big plane about finding all the magic catalytic converters whilst avoiding making copyright infringements. I mainly sigh and go about what I'm told unenthusiastically." Number two explained.

"Number two, what are you doing. Go put on your angle costume." Sussex ordered, eliciting a sigh from number two.

And so MCG continued to get increasingly bored with the fic and decidede to end it quickly.

And so Xander convinced Buffy to race against Number two who was alter institutionalised for trauma suffered during his stay with the insane demon known as Sussex.

Xander won by a large time period as No.2 never finished, instead deciding to take the chance to escape to somewhere... let's say to Mexico.

The Kebab shop

Nearly Midnight.

Xander was almost doubled over trying to catch his breath.

His muscles felt as if they were about to explode as the lactic acid coursed through his body. His lungs were even worse, a burning sensation shooting through them with every breath. Even though he was hurting all over, he had won. He had finally beat Angel, and now he felt he had proven himself to Buffy.

He finally felt at peace.

"Uh, Xan, why did you run so fast and all the way." Buffy asked, completely fine behind him, showing no trace or sign of fatigue.

"I... couldn't... take... risk... loosing." Was the breathless response.

"Xand, I think all risk went out the window when Number two demon boarded that bus to Mexico three miles down the road."

"Couldn't... risk... it."

"Xand, wasn't there something you wanted to do tonight?" Buffy asked.

"What... I already beat Angel." Xander said, still doubled over.

"Isn't there something you wanted to ask me?"

"Buffy... would you care to date me... sometimes, y'know, if you wanted, we could go out somewhere... someplace, sometime." This time there was no stuttering, just unfinished sentences followed by deep gasps for air. 

"How about for a kebab." Buffy replied shyly.

"Sure.... just give me a sec to... get up" Xander said after collapsing the floor. "You go ahead... buy kebabs... I'll lay here."

That's it.

I'm MCG.

You're probably very bored.

Irie Ites.

Later.

The end.


End file.
